Recently there has been so much humour in news and the buck just doesn’t stop. After a year of trying out stand-up comedy, I have found what to answer when someone asks, “Why Standup?”
Q: Why Stand-up Comedy?
A: Because, India. Duh!
Our country is great. We (used to) believe in secularity, sovereignty, democracy and the whole of the preamble. However, with the recent surge in extreme ideologies, we have turned into a goldmine. A goldmine of humour. Politicians, Judiciary and the common masses have been on the lookout for making a mockery of the “Indian” template. Everyone has an opinion now and it’s mostly divided into 2 categories – Left/Liberals and Right/Conservatives. The biggest problem in this division is the clear propaganda of both the sides. There are, unfortunately, no centre ideologies. You have to have an opinion on everything. Saying, “I don’t know about it” or “Maybe” is probably considered the lamest of lame answers. You have to choose an extreme side. Is it really possible to not choose a side and do things you love (read: sleep)!
Dear so-called liberals, no one is stealing your freedom! Dear so-called nationalists, no one is stealing your religion as well. Things are completely fine in India until one of you starts talking. A humble request from the beef-loving, beer-drinking, temple-going, agnostic Indian, keep your extreme sides to yourself and STFU.
** Coming to the matter of debate – Momo Ban**
First take on it: Bullshit!! The idea of the ban is preposterous.
Second thing: Let’s find a solution, may be!
******
Subtle differences
Saying the issue is a stupid one would be a particularly dumb step to avoid it altogether. Rather, let’s dig in this time because momos are at stake.
Premise: A certain gentleman, Ramesh Arora, who is coincidentally a lawyer and a BJP legislator of Jammu and Kasmir had made some bold and un-proofread statements. He is apparently running a campaign to ban the momos made in the slums of J&K for the last 5 months. The claim is simple. Momos have ajinomoto or as the world calls it Monosodium Glutamate (MSG). He wants to ban momos with MSG. Now, MSG is a particularly dangerous acronym. One meaning of MSG stands for the great Guru Ram Rahim Singhji Insaan who is totally a bad taste in the eyes of every eye. The other one is our beloved Ajinomoto which is carcinogenic and a flavour enhancer. After this statement, a lot of people were visibly hurt and trolled the legislator. Then, there was the old rant about banning stuff. That’s quite preposterous as well.
Yep, the great taste you find in the roadside chowmein, Gobi Manchurian and even Dum Biryani (thele wala), is all due to a pinch or more of MSG. When consumed for a longer period of time, it can screw you real bad. It has several ill-effects, which the BJP legislator duly mentioned.
The problem here is how we are looking at the problem. Mr Arora was wrong at many levels, though he had a point to make. You can’t ban momos because some of them use MSG. This is like, ban cricket because some players are corrupt. Regulation is the key, sir. All that you need to do is regulate the use of MSG in momos. In recent days, I find everytime the BJP government tries to ban something it looks more like they are incompetent and lazy. Look at it. If the MSG in the momos is a problem, all that you need to do is send a report to FCI regarding the same. Let the organisation responsible do some work. Secondly, ban the MSG. If that is not possible, increase the prices. With inflation, there would be less or no use of MSG. Okay, that was not a feasible option, right! But, heck, Mr Arora you are the lawyer and legislator. You should know better than me. It’s time you wish to stop banning momos and find a solution to stop the dangerous additives like MSG. Maybe, then I would recommend you for a Bharat Ratna. Not that it would work, but I would recommend. So, yeah, there is a solution to this, only if you try to find it. Campaigning against the good old momos is not the way, rather fighting your way to get rid of MSGs is.
Before anyone jumps to a conclusion that it’s the government which needs to solve this, let’s keep a point we can lend our hands as well.
Yes, liberal peoples. There, I made a grammatical error and calling you out to help solve the situation. Keep your keyboards down and come out to help.
You say, the idea of banning the momos is plain stupid. Agreed. You say, the BJP is trying to ban everything. Agreed. I say, stop whining and ask your momo wale bhaiya to stop using MSG if he is doing so. Give a legit threat. Say you won’t eat if MSG is found in the food. Don’t worry much. You will know if the momos have MSG. You take it out, and the next thing you know is stomach cramp, indigestion followed by a bad headache. Moreover, glutamate is a naturally occurring substance found in many foods including meat, dairy products, tomatoes. MSG is the artificial powdered form of the naturally occurring glutamate. There is a chance that your favourite fruity bread or bacon has a good quantity of MSG. The right way, truly, is knowing the facts.
Mr Ramesh Arora, you need someone good on your advisory panel. And, of course, a good speech writer who can make your speeches sound better. Plus, stop striving for this stupid publicity and start working towards regulation. That’s the key, not banning.
People sitting behind the black mirror and trolling Mr Arora for being stupid, you did a good job! Now, get up and educate the Momo vendor. But first, get educated and plan accordingly.
With Love,
Amateur!!
Illuminated Amateur 