It’s July here and I have been attending a marriage every month since December last year. That is almost 7-8 marriages in the equal number of months. The Pandit jee who comes to our home is kind of jealous now. After 2-3 marriages/months, even he started pitching his idea which involved me getting 3% commission. So, yeah, I am in that phase where I get more invitations than proposals. Not that I want any, but at least spare a thought!
The last 7 months have been disastrous and stressing. The reason being I switched jobs. I know you were expecting something on marriage, but switching from one job you hate to another job that you will hate is a tough task. It takes a lot to criticise a new employer since one still has the hangover of the last one. Anyway, switching topics yet again, let’s come back to marriages, i.e. friend’s marriage. If I would get a coin every time I advised my friends not to get married, by now I would have got my own coin swimming pool much alike Uncle Scrooge from Ducktales whose walls would be embroidered by at least 3 racks of the same coins. But friends being friends, have absolutely no respect for my opinion when I am off stage or even off my regular arsehattery state.
The problem begins with the very invitation of the marriage. My dear friend is going to a pool of responsibilities voluntarily and the escapist in me is in no way liking it. The first statement to them is always, You are just 26, duh! The retaliation to this is often brutally honest and the same statement with some added masala using a voice of seriousness that Morgan Freeman would be really proud of. “WE ARE 26!!!!!!!!” The state of assurance they show at this age and this stage with all that red colour shopping going around is overwhelming and alarming at the same time. After all this, a feeble ‘Congrats‘ comes from my tightly kept together lips.
All this is still fine, but then come the other things that adorn a friend’s marriage (read: Whatsapp groups and “What to wear” gossips). More often than not, much alike everything else in our social gatherings, everyone comes up with their own agenda. Agendas which are rarely related to the person getting married and burdened under the eyeballs of society. Not complaining, because even I have my own agenda. Where else do I pitch in the ‘magnificent‘ achievements of an under-achiever! There are trips and drunk nights planned around the marriage dates; the prettiest dresses are out of the closet only to be back there for the next couple of years once the gala event is over. Everything is almost done and then comes someone from the group who informs about not being able to make it. The next week is entirely dedicated to him/her; even the person getting married forgets the obligations towards the future and starts the emotional turmoil that will put Nirupama Roy to shame. The best part about this – the medium of communication is either a conference call or Whatsapp group chats. We still are just 26, remember! With all the problems and their so-called solutions, the week finally arrives.
Earlier people used to get excited about the wedding day, but now we have to celebrate an entire week dedicated to it. There’s Sangeet, Mehndi, Orchestra, Live Show, Zee Sa Re Ga Ma, Big Boss, Death Stares, Embarrassing Flirt Sessions and what not before and after the actual wedding day. At times it is so much so that, we often tend to neglect the marriage ceremony itself. These events are probably the worst that I can imagine. Unlike the rest of the hustle and bustle, here you would find many characters you are seeing for the first time and some you wished you saw for the last. There is always an alcoholic friend in your group and one who claims to have quit alcohol. There is a first-time alcohol user and there is one who knows-it-all when it comes to these throat burning spirits that make you insane. Move over them and you will find your soon-to-be-someone’s-spouse friend’s uncle who is in awe of your mad rum-induced dancing skills only to appreciate the art the next day while hinting about the rum smell. Then, there are friendly aunties who have the constant mindset which serves as the finest inspiration of the zillion matrimonial sites.
After a gruelling week, when you retire to the bed reminiscing the moments gone by, you feel glad that you didn’t skip the wedding. It’s all great and you have a tight sleep. The same happened with me too. I slept well the day it was all over. A complete 10 hours of sleep: Achievement Unlocked! Things went sore for me the next day when I learnt with the great moments, the great Gandhian portrait on coloured papers that keeps us surviving is also gone. Broke and worried, I wait for the next salary and work doesn’t seem that bad anymore. However, the curse of the friend’s marriage has hit me and my parents have started asking questions. To them, I have an answer “I am just 26, duh!!”. Then, they have the same answer in a………………. You got it, right! The loop continues.
See you again! (FYI: It’s the most viewed song on YouTube as of now)
Need to read some articles on “what to wear to your friend’s wedding” and the best themes and so on… The Whatsapp group is calling.
If you would like to be free from the curse of friend’s marriage, please share this blog. You won’t be free from the curse, but at least people would know you are cursed!