Ahh, so the first blog post. After a lot of speculations on what to write and if would make sense, I finally opened my WordPad and tapped the damn keyboard. As a stand-up comedian, there are many areas I joke about. But, this is one bit is close to me – Indian Driving. So, the first blog dedicated to the most Indian of Indian things – Driving on the right side or wrong side per se.
To start it, let’s start by stating a well-known fact. We, in India, drive On The “Left Side” of the road. Period. However, considering our inclination towards the American way of doing things (just like writing “period” unnecessarily), we take the liberty to go for an occasional “zooooom” on the other side. Damn, just doing this feels so Phoren. Initially, I was under the impression of it being a not-so-good thing to do, but being the truest of Indians, I gave in later.
The temptation of saving precious 2 mins got the better of me. I had the option of taking the U-turn. But, come on, the U-turn was a whopping 100 meters ahead! Why waste resources going forward just to return. U-turns are so pointless. Aren’t we taught to go ahead in life? Isn’t moving forward the only way? If all of these are true, why the farce of having a U-turn. I can just move towards my destination in the right direction, albeit on the wrong side. Big Deal.
Lately, I have been hearing a lot of opinion regarding this. They say I am not supposed to go on the footpath! They say I am disrupting the normal driving! All these opinions, however, don’t bother me anymore. With their myopic vision, they have no idea about the revolution I am aiming at, the development that is running across my mind. There have been times when I rode my motorcycle on the footpath on the “right” side of the road and been overwhelmed by the number of riders who follow me. These joy rides are often stopped by a uniformed traffic police, but the joy of meeting my fellow offenders is an experience far beyond words. I barely know my other fellow traffic offenders by their names, but the smile we exchange or the silent appreciation of breaking the rules is just an emotion many are yet unaware of.
I have learnt to adjust to the situation, to smile at strangers and consider them comrades. I have learnt more about unity while breaking the rules than I had ever learnt by following them. Every time I break the left-side driving rule, I feel liberated like never before. Going the road my way makes me taste freedom in its true self. Credits to this act, I have perfected several arts. Showing my hand for apologising made me realise apology doesn’t even need words. I learnt so much about human behaviour and emotion by just riding on the “right” side. I believe this is “One Small Ride For Man, One Giant Leap For Mankind”. I imagine the world without boundaries of society or security forces.
Today, I went out again, but a little deviation to my regular route. To be honest, I never like these small favours I often do for people, but societal obligations. My next door hot girl wanted a lift to work. I was getting late, but then if I hadn’t helped her, she would have gone in an auto. It became hard for me to digest that she would go in an auto and the rickshaw driver would scan her through his lecherous eyes. How could someone else do that in my presence!! I, hence, took the responsibility to do the needful. It also offered me a chance to flirt with her, which I was not letting go in any way. It was an irritating detour and I had to ride on the “regular” left side. This is when a college kid with torn jeans and unwashed hair zoomed past me on my “right” footpath.
“Sigh! Kids these days! I hope that the police catches him and gives him the thrashing he deserves. Uncultured, Useless brat! @$^#*&&% That’s not the way to ride your bike, you idiot! Drive on the left side! This is not Amrikkaa that you will drive on the right side….” I had to rant; after all, he just stole my “right” and spoiled it. Plus, the detour in this scorching heat is killing me. I will rather take the “right” footpath ahead and reach my destination soon.
Yours Truly Unruly,
The Hypocritical Indian